Now, if laughs are all you're after, check this one out. This video reveals aspects of my children's personalities that are very interesting.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
we laughed, we cried, etc.
Now, if laughs are all you're after, check this one out. This video reveals aspects of my children's personalities that are very interesting.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
eleventh
If you've been reading this blog for a while, you probably know that my cousin Greg died in 2006. This wasn't a guy with nothing going for him. He had plans - big ones. One of them was to do a thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail, all 2,175 miles of it, with his friend, Aggie (seen here holding Greg's photo). Last night I got to see a show on the National Geographic Channel on the AT, and at the end, the summit, was Aggie, known by her trail name Moon Shadow (given to her by Greg as they planned and dreamed about the journey). She carried some of Greg's ashes on her trip, sprinkling them along the trail as she walked.
I knew she might be on the show, but it was getting late and at 8:55 I had just about given up. But then I gasped, "That's Aggie!" and burst into tears - because she looked so healthy and happy and fulfilled. Because Greg should have been there with her. Because he WAS there with her. Because they made it, the whole way.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Hate. Love.
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
I hate that April 9th means anything more than it's the day after April 8th and the day before April 10th. I hate the powers and evils of drug addiction. I hate heroin. I hate how my cousin's life was cut short. I hate that his sister doesn't have a living brother. I hate that his parents lost their son. I hate that we didn't have more time. I hate that I wasn't a very good cousin and let distance and whatever else keep me out of contact. I hate that we're now 13 instead of 14 cousins. I hate that I have to clarify with Henry that I'm talking about his friend Gregory or my cousin Gregory in heaven. I hate that Amy and her parents or any of us that love Greg have to even think about, let alone LIVE, a lifetime without him.
The only thing to overcome hate is love. Love your family, friends, neighbors, enemies, and the strangers you meet, please. Do it today, and for the rest of your days- for only God knows how many they will number.
I'm so close to you baby
But I'm so far away
There's a silence between us
And there's so much to say
You're my strength, you're my weakness
You're my faith, you're my doubt
We gotta meet in the middle
To work this thing out
More love, I can hear our hearts cryin'
More love, I know that's all we need
More love, to flow in between us
To take us and hold us and lift us above
If there's ever an answer
It's more love
We're afraid to be idle
So we fill up the days
We run on the treadmill
Keep slavin' away 'til there's no time for talkin'
About trouble in mind
And the doors are all closed
Between your heart and mine
More love, I can hear our hearts cryin'
More love, I know that's all we need
More love, to flow in between us
To take us and hold us and lift us above
If there's ever an answer
It's more love
Just look out around us
People fightin' their wars
They think they'll be happy
When they've settled their scores
Let's lay down our weapons
That hold us apart
Be still for just a minute
Try to open our hearts
More love, I can hear our hearts cryin'
More love, I know that's all we need
More love, to flow in between us
To take us and hold us and lift us above
If there's ever an answer
It's more love
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
dragging.
Tonight will be another long night - Timon gave me tickets to this for Christmas, and so the kids will spend the night with their surrogate grandparents. Go Huskies!
Sunday, June 29, 2008
2/3rds
I saw Ashley's grandma at church today - she seems to be doing well. She told me that Ashley's mom, older sister, nieces and nephew all went to Disney today using tickets given to Ashley earlier this year when it was still a possibility that she would recover. I think that's a perfect way to begin some healing - Ash would totally give her blessing to that. We also talked about something that weighs heavily on me and has for some time - the week before the brain cancer was found in 2005, Ashley was on a mission trip with me and 3 other youth in Georgia. She complained of headaches the entire time. Of course I felt bad that her head was hurting, but I really didn't take it very seriously. Not that anyone would or could have guessed that her headaches meant she had tumors, but still - it's strange to think that through that fun long weekend, cancer was lurking, just getting ready to show itself. I'm glad to have spent that time with her and to be able to have great memories.
-the doorbell/intercom is fried
-2 out of 3 phone lines were disrupted but have been fixed
-several thermostats and one A/C relay were blown, but have been fixed
-6 out of 8 computers have no internet access, even after the replacement of our network switch
-the computer network does not function properly - most computers have no printer access
-the fire alarm is not functioning
-the organ is totally gone, possibly unreparably fried - we didn't discover that one till this morning when the organist came into practice before the service.
Awesome, huh? And guess who gets to attempt to handle juggling all of these items getting repaired in the next two weeks while our church secretary is on vacation? If you guessed me, you'd be right. FUN. And I get to do it all while hoisting this belly around:
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
ashley
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
2 years


(These photos were taken in 2001, at and around my wedding.)
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
29 until 30
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
lest we forget

It's a week of remembrance - both today, September 11 - for the obvious reasons; and Thursday, the 13th, when our phenomenal friend Tosca went on to her reward. You can see Tosca here and read about her here.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
clearance rack
1. Henry and I get to go visit my sister and brother-in-law and cat-in-law tomorrow! Yippee! Henry is excited to go on an airplane, but he might be even more excited to play on the airplane playground they have at our airport. I always pray that we land at a gate out-of-sight of that area when we return home, otherwise there is a temper-fit deluxe when he realizes it's not time to play, it's time to go and get our luggage. But while we're waiting here for takeoff, it's been a lifesaver, more than once.
2. Also pray that we have a potty-accident-free day while traveling! Henry has been quite reliable lately about telling us he has to go, but occasionally (like when he's busy playing) he'll forget. I am so proud of him though - he's young to be potty trained, and boys usually train later than girls. We saw a nearly 5 year-old girl the other night who did not appear to have any other type of delays that might prevent potty training (autism, emotional or speech delays) who was in what looked like ADULT diapers (they don't make 'em for 5 year-olds!). I don't want to judge a situation that might have a legitamite explanation, so I'll leave this thought here.
3. Speaking of autism - remember that little girl who was biting Henry at preschool? Turns out she was diagnosed as autistic and is receiving two types of therapy at preschool during the week. I'm so sad that this diagnosis will be affecting her life, but pleased that she has the early intervention she needs. My oldest friend (well, the girl I've been friends with the longest... the award for oldest friend has to go to Stanny-poo, who, as we pointed out last weekend, could actually be my DAD) works with autistic children and has some sad/hilarious tales to tell about her kids. If you didn't laugh, you'd cry all day.
4. Most importantly, could you of the praying kind please shoot a few up for Amanda, a 13 year-old girl who one of the members of my youth group used to date? She passed away this morning from accidental drowning in her bathtub. I can't imagine her parents' horrific grief at this moment. Pray for peace, comfort, and understanding.
So long, for now. The next photos of me that will appear on this blog will be those taken whilst the BIG CHOP is happening. Time for a new look, kids! And, coming soon... a new blog design! I can't promise when it will occur, or what form/colors it will take... but I'm working on it. It's gonna look a lot fancier than these here dots.
I covet your comments. Thanks to those of you who take your time to leave them!
Monday, April 16, 2007
old and new
That's pretty much the worst picture ever. But that's all Google image search came up with, unfortunately. And since I had to part ways with the fabulous camera I'd been temporarily using, that's the best I can do for now. Rest assured, the pattern is much better looking than the photo suggests. The plates aren't pink at all. It's way better looking than the silly Ames plates I've had since my first apartment seven years ago. Some of you might remember the loveliness that was Ames. Such a clean store, with such high quality merchandise.
Anyhoo, that's it for today. OH!! OH!! I haven't written about Planet Earth in a couple of weeks - the series continues to amaze and captivate my attention. Last night was "Jungles" and "Rivers". The last two episodes are on next week, "Forests" and "Caves". Catch it on the Discovery Channel Sundays at 8.
And one more thing... Leah, the daughter of Rachel Coleman, creator of Signing Time, won her school spelling bee last week! To help you understand what a big deal that is, I hope you'll go to Rachel's blog and read her post and watch the video. I was in tears - that girl is phenomenal.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
more to the story
********** from www.oprah.com ****************
For anyone who has struggled with addiction or loved an addict, the number one question most people want answered is, Why can't they stop?
Dr. Anna Rose Childress, a professor who specializes in brain behavior at the Pennsylvania VA Addiction Treatment Research Center, has been using the latest scientific technology to study addicts' brains and determine what happens when a person is struggling with substance abuse.
To see what's going on inside the brain, Dr. Childress takes pictures of an addict's brain reacting to images both related and unrelated to drug use. Then, the researchers compare the way the brain reacts to each cue to determine the areas that are affected.
Since the study began, Dr. Childress has worked with cocaine, marijuana, nicotine and heroin addicts. The substances may vary, but the results do not. Dr. Childress says that in most cases, the brain was "compromised."
"The person [who is addicted] is actually not making choices in the rational way," she says. "This brain is a different brain, and we think the brain may be different when you walk into the world in terms of your ability to manage some of your impulses. But certainly after it's been exposed to drugs, there are important changes."
The brain functions that are affected are the same ones that help us maintain relationships and seek out the things we need to survive, like food and sleep. "That kind of strong, strong desire is a part of this system in the brain that now gets upturned," Dr. Childress says. "It gets inverted. It gets hijacked, essentially. So the drug does have a direct impact on the brain."
William is one of the addicts who participated in Dr. Childress's study. While examining William's brain, she flashed cocaine cues—images of people he had used the drug with or things that reminded him of cocaine—onto a screen for just 33 milliseconds at a time. Most people wouldn't even be able to recognize what they were seeing, but William's brain was well aware.
"For someone with a history of cocaine, there's an intense arousal that sets up in milliseconds," Dr. Childress says. "These cues say, 'This is more important than your children, than your spouse, than your job…pursue this.' From the brain's perspective, this is the important thing."
Photos of William's brain show that there was a surge of chemicals released when he saw the powerful cues, which Dr. Childress calls the "go state." For the first time in human history, researchers can now see what's happening inside the brain, identify the targets and see what they need to address.
"We're really excited that we can both calm down the go state, but also bolster the brakes," she says. "One of the things that we've been able to see is that people with addictions—their brakes aren't so good. So [there are] two ways that you can help the car—one is to take your foot off the accelerator. Another way is to put on the brakes."
Dr. Childress's goal is to treat addiction with medications that curb the craving. "Instead of it being so compelling and something that would cause you to go away from your family and your children, with medication, you can get a brain now that's sort of back down to, 'This is not so exciting. I can take this or leave this,'" she says.
It may be years before experimental treatments and prescription medications are available to all mothers, fathers and friends struggling with an addiction. For now, Dr. Michael Dennis, a psychologist who specializes in teen addiction at the Lighthouse Institute in Bloomington, Illinois, says the sooner you intervene, the better.
Although there isn't one answer or solution for every addict, Dr. Dennis says 90 percent of the people who become dependent on a drug started using when they were under 18. Fifty percent of addicts began using drugs when they were 15 years old…or younger.
If someone you love suffers a relapse, Dr. Dennis says his or her chances of recovery increase the sooner you reintervene.
Even if someone has completed a rehabilitation program, triggers in the outside world can cause a relapse. "Rehab is just a tool," Rick says. "The doors open up and you walk out. If you're just holding a tool, and no one's out there to help you support it, you're going to fall right off the wagon."
************ me again **************
Isn't that powerful information? Only the first few times a person uses drugs is it a simple yes or no choice. After they are addicted, their brain wiring changes so that the pull is simply too strong. That doesn't mean that addicts aren't responsible, or should be allowed to go their own way because "it's out of their control"... it simply means that families and friends now can understand that these people really do care about their loved ones and responsibilities. Of course addicts respond to attempts at help in different ways. From what I know, Greg was relieved to be getting help - he really did not want to live as an addict. But when he came home, even though his body was clean, and his intentions positive, his brain was still not the same. And I feel awful for my assumptions about him and other addicts... and a bit hypocritical. "Why can't I just stop" eating jelly beans?
I encourage you to go here and read the rest of the information the doctors were talking about on the show. I hope that if someday your life is changed by an experience with addiction - either your own or that of someone you love - that everyone comes together with the love and support that our family did during Greg's last year. My aunt and uncle and cousin are SUPERHEROES. They loved their boy FIERCELY and did EVERYTHING in their power to save his life. And we all grieve with them still.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4
But now Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7
My comfort in my suffering is this: your promise preserves my life. Psalm 119:50
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for yet I will praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 43:5
Monday, April 09, 2007
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
cousins
We're almost in age order here in the picture. From the top, left to right: Adam (Derek), Jay, Sara, Holly, Peter, Katherine, Anna, Maresi, Amy, Carmine, JP, Greg (Aggy), Michael, and Ben in front. Good people all.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
one more angel
Monday, June 19, 2006
herb
Friday, April 14, 2006
our greg

This is my cousin Gregory. He passed away just 6 days ago. I don't know what else to say except to share what I said at his memorial service on Wednesday.
"We all know that a picture is worth at least 1000 words. During the past few days, we’ve looked at many, many pictures of Gregory with his family and friends. Some of these photos can be seen on the photo boards today. They speak millions of words and tell wonderful stories about our Gregory and his loving family.
We see Gregory as an infant, already curious about his world. We see him standing between his parents taking some first steps. We see him camping with his mom, dad, and sister Amy as an energetic toddler, clothes so dirty with fun that it took three days to clean them. We see photos of him proudly holding his catch after fishing with his dad and grandfather. We see his face, hands, and sleeves covered with his mom’s spaghetti sauce. We see him throwing his head back with laughter, so full of the joy he couldn’t contain. We see him countless times with loving family members whose own joy was increased by his exuberance. We see him enjoying the outdoors, the natural world God created. We see him so often with Amy, the sister and brother so obviously displaying their love for one another, and a few times with a bit of youthful sibling mischief. We see him as a young man preparing for an Outward Bound adventure by allowing his grandmother Dorothy to give him a pedicure.
In his high school yearbook, his parents wrote: 'You didn’t walk, you ran. You didn’t cry, you screamed. You didn’t smile, you laughed. From the day you were born, your indomitable spirit and sense of adventure have been a source of inspiration and joy to us. Your heart is kind, your humor high, and we are proud of the young man you have become. Think big… dream dreams… work heard and carry our love and support with you always. Love, Dad, Mom, & Amy.'
We see the infant, the toddler, the boy, and the young man and know that all of this is true.
I’m going to share a couple of memories of Gregory, and then we’d like to extend the opportunity to any of you who also would like to speak about our Gregory.
I remember the day Gregory was born. I was six years old and at a friend’s house. Mom called me and said, 'You have a new baby cousin, and his name is Gregory.' Now, I am certain that his birth was God’s comforting hand, bringing some measure of joy to an otherwise very difficult time, so close to our grandfather Carmine’s passing. Gregory was a student of life. I don’t know many other little boys who will crash matchbox cars one minute, go play outside, come in filthy dirty, take a bath… and then, put on their footy pajamas and come downstairs and ask their babysitting older cousin if we could please watch The Sound of Music. I thank God for his presence in our world. "
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
pretty
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
i see dead people
It took me almost 28 years to see my first dead body. I've not been to too many funerals, but the ones I have been to have been memorials, where the body's been cremated or already buried. Since September, I've been to 4 funerals and every single one has had a viewing beforehand. I'm still not used to or comfortable with it. I know the person's Spirit is elsewhere, but it's kind of gross to look at their body. The wonderful man we honored today here at the church has a GIGANTIC spirit, but he looked so small lying there. So it's not really him, is it? So why do we have to look at them? Hope that's not insensitive to think that way.
well, that's all for now.


