more to the story

To my family: I really need to write about this. I apologize if it's sharing too much - if you are uncomfortable, I understand. But I've come to some realizations that are powerful for me, and I'd like to voice them here. We all loved Greg, and most of his life was BEAUTIFUL, but we can't escape some of the ugliness. And I think if even one person's eyes can be opened in understanding, his life means even more than it already does.

Some of you might know that my cousin Greg died one year ago yesterday. You may not know that his was a tragic death - his life was stolen from him and the rest of us by drugs. We have other addicts (recovering) in our family; some may not agree, but I definitely see some hereditary tendencies towards addictive behavior. What's always been hard for me to understand about addiction is the question Oprah featured on her show yesterday (fate? coincidence?) which was "Why can't they stop?" Sometimes I have been insensitive enough to wonder that very same thing? Why couldn't Greg just stop using heroin? Why couldn't he find different people to hang out with, people who weren't themselves using drugs? Couldn't he see how much he had going for him? Didn't he appreciate those sacrifices his family made to get him help? Didn't he want to change? All these questions can be answered by saying of COURSE Greg wanted a different life. Of COURSE he appreciated his family and all their heroics (LITERAL HEROICS!). What the doctor on Oprah (and you all know how I feel about O...) was saying that finally made me understand why addicts continue abusing, even after intense rehab experiences, is that their brains have been hijacked. I'm going to paste some stuff from the website of yesterday's show - I'll come back at the end for some more from me.


********** from www.oprah.com ****************

For anyone who has struggled with addiction or loved an addict, the number one question most people want answered is, Why can't they stop?

Dr. Anna Rose Childress, a professor who specializes in brain behavior at the Pennsylvania VA Addiction Treatment Research Center, has been using the latest scientific technology to study addicts' brains and determine what happens when a person is struggling with substance abuse.

To see what's going on inside the brain, Dr. Childress takes pictures of an addict's brain reacting to images both related and unrelated to drug use. Then, the researchers compare the way the brain reacts to each cue to determine the areas that are affected.

Since the study began, Dr. Childress has worked with cocaine, marijuana, nicotine and heroin addicts. The substances may vary, but the results do not. Dr. Childress says that in most cases, the brain was "compromised."

"The person [who is addicted] is actually not making choices in the rational way," she says. "This brain is a different brain, and we think the brain may be different when you walk into the world in terms of your ability to manage some of your impulses. But certainly after it's been exposed to drugs, there are important changes."

The brain functions that are affected are the same ones that help us maintain relationships and seek out the things we need to survive, like food and sleep. "That kind of strong, strong desire is a part of this system in the brain that now gets upturned," Dr. Childress says. "It gets inverted. It gets hijacked, essentially. So the drug does have a direct impact on the brain."

William is one of the addicts who participated in Dr. Childress's study. While examining William's brain, she flashed cocaine cues—images of people he had used the drug with or things that reminded him of cocaine—onto a screen for just 33 milliseconds at a time. Most people wouldn't even be able to recognize what they were seeing, but William's brain was well aware.

"For someone with a history of cocaine, there's an intense arousal that sets up in milliseconds," Dr. Childress says. "These cues say, 'This is more important than your children, than your spouse, than your job…pursue this.' From the brain's perspective, this is the important thing."

Photos of William's brain show that there was a surge of chemicals released when he saw the powerful cues, which Dr. Childress calls the "go state." For the first time in human history, researchers can now see what's happening inside the brain, identify the targets and see what they need to address.

"We're really excited that we can both calm down the go state, but also bolster the brakes," she says. "One of the things that we've been able to see is that people with addictions—their brakes aren't so good. So [there are] two ways that you can help the car—one is to take your foot off the accelerator. Another way is to put on the brakes."

Dr. Childress's goal is to treat addiction with medications that curb the craving. "Instead of it being so compelling and something that would cause you to go away from your family and your children, with medication, you can get a brain now that's sort of back down to, 'This is not so exciting. I can take this or leave this,'" she says.

It may be years before experimental treatments and prescription medications are available to all mothers, fathers and friends struggling with an addiction. For now, Dr. Michael Dennis, a psychologist who specializes in teen addiction at the Lighthouse Institute in Bloomington, Illinois, says the sooner you intervene, the better.

Although there isn't one answer or solution for every addict, Dr. Dennis says 90 percent of the people who become dependent on a drug started using when they were under 18. Fifty percent of addicts began using drugs when they were 15 years old…or younger.

If someone you love suffers a relapse, Dr. Dennis says his or her chances of recovery increase the sooner you reintervene.

Even if someone has completed a rehabilitation program, triggers in the outside world can cause a relapse. "Rehab is just a tool," Rick says. "The doors open up and you walk out. If you're just holding a tool, and no one's out there to help you support it, you're going to fall right off the wagon."


************ me again **************

Isn't that powerful information? Only the first few times a person uses drugs is it a simple yes or no choice. After they are addicted, their brain wiring changes so that the pull is simply too strong. That doesn't mean that addicts aren't responsible, or should be allowed to go their own way because "it's out of their control"... it simply means that families and friends now can understand that these people really do care about their loved ones and responsibilities. Of course addicts respond to attempts at help in different ways. From what I know, Greg was relieved to be getting help - he really did not want to live as an addict. But when he came home, even though his body was clean, and his intentions positive, his brain was still not the same. And I feel awful for my assumptions about him and other addicts... and a bit hypocritical. "Why can't I just stop" eating jelly beans?

I encourage you to go here and read the rest of the information the doctors were talking about on the show. I hope that if someday your life is changed by an experience with addiction - either your own or that of someone you love - that everyone comes together with the love and support that our family did during Greg's last year. My aunt and uncle and cousin are SUPERHEROES. They loved their boy FIERCELY and did EVERYTHING in their power to save his life. And we all grieve with them still.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4
But now Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7
My comfort in my suffering is this: your promise preserves my life. Psalm 119:50
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for yet I will praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 43:5