xvii

Well, it came to pass.  Henry got an orange today and was sobbing as he told me about it.  Of course I don’t want to see him sad, but it’s good that the consequence of not being able to attend movie night at church on Friday seems to be a meaningful one.  We had a good talk last night about choosing behavior, one that Timon and I hoped would stick with him today.  I also sent him off to school with some encouraging words.  He told me a little bit ago that he tried to not talk so much today.  I thanked him for being aware of himself and let him know that I was sorry that he would miss movie night because he was looking forward to it.  Poor kid.  Learning self-control is a long battle.  I know I’m still figuring it out!

{tap tap tap} {feedback squeal} Is this thing on?

Um, yeah!  I certainly didn’t intend to be away from the ole blog for this long.  Whoops!  I tell you, it’s so hard to come up with the daily photo, and I admit to spending more time catching up with people via facebook than remembering that I started my whole internet presence here in this place, and therefore it deserves some attention.

Any-hoo, there’ve been a few things I’ve felt like writing about lately, and so I’ll cram them into one post because I’m not sure each should have a post of it’s own, and seriously, I clearly cannot be depended upon to post here regularly, so!  Before I forget everything, here goes!

1. Did anyone else see the most recent episode of The Deadliest Catch?  I have always loved that show (not least because Wanted Dead or Alive is the song over the opening credits).  Well, knowing that Capt. Phil passed away before this season started airing has made every episode a bit strange; I mean, we’re watching this guy’s last moments on earth.    And in the first half of Tuesday’s show they showed his son acting strangely, sleeping when he should be on deck, then once he got out there, I said to Timon, “He’s high.”  Timon didn’t think so, but the kid fell into the hole on deck where they put the crab in the tanks.  Then at the end of the episode, it showed Phil in pain, going below to get some of his pain medication, and he caught his son stealing his pills.  Oh, it was so horrible to watch the kid try to dig out of that hole, and you could see how awful it was for Phil.  The whole thing just made me really, really sad.  When you think that not long after this happened, Phil dies – oof.  I just hope they made things right with each other.
   
   
2. Summer vacation is upon us, and this is the first summer that Henry hasn’t had some kind of full-time care.  He’s going to come to work with me on Mondays and Thursdays; Tuesdays he and Maria will go to their surrogate grandparents’ house, Wednesdays they’ll go to Maria’s other caregiver’s home.  Fridays the three of us will go to the library and one of the city pools.  I’m hoping that we can get in a good routine.  We have a couple of trips scheduled and I CANNOT WAIT to get up to Connecticut in July for a cousin’s wedding!  Mainly to see this kid and these kids and that other kid (my niece Julia, who is internetally anonymous, basically).
   
   
3. Maria’s saying a lot of words now.  It’s time for another guessing game, dear reader mother readers!  I’ll put down the things she actually says, you guess in the comments what you think she means to say.  Ready?  OK!
1. Cup!
2. Bee-bee
3. Shores
4. pah-ee
5. mo
6. ee
7. pee-pee (no, it’s not what you think)
8. Ah-ooo
9. saw-saw
10. bess-ooo

All right!  And this post only took me 3.5 hours from start to finish!  (ok, so I took a considerable break in the middle to do Vacation Bible School.)  Be good to each other.

last day

Maria's last day with her wonderful amazing loving kind flexible affordable convenient daycare was today.  I'm so sad.  Her providers have always been great - they clearly love Maria and she was so comfortable there - AND they've been happy to use the cloth diapers. Sadly, his mother is aging and ill... and lives in Barbados.  So they are packing up their lives (along with a 2 year old and a 12 year old), closing their business, renting out their house and moving to the flipping West Indies. 

 Fortunately, we have another great friend who is a hospice nurse who only works weekends.  She also loves Maria (let's face it, who doesn't?) and has graciously stepped in to care for her 3 days a week, and our children's surrogate grandparents will watch Maria on Tuesday.  She'll stay with me on Fridays, as normal.  We are so blessed to have people who love our family.  Being away from all of our relatives makes it hard sometimes, but God has provided people to fill the gap - and for that we're so thankful.

this day

I know life has to go on; that we have to function as humans, as Americans, as responsible adults. We can't sit paralyzed in our grief. But I just really believe that there must be more of a way to mark this day in the rest of the country. I'm sitting here alternating between being sad that more of an effort hasn't been made to do so and mad that my AOL email has a header right now telling us that it's "Free Chocolate Friday", as if getting a free pack of freaking M&Ms is the most important thing to remember today. Yes, it's been designated a National Day of Service, but how about giving people a paid holiday so that they can actually go do something for someone else without losing a day's pay or fearing for their jobs? How about schools taking all the students on a field trip to their local fire and police stations, or military bases with posters and banners to thank our service people? I think our getting back into the routine as a country has made a lot of people outside NYC, Shanksville, and D.C. (or who didn't lose a friend or relative) forget and/or minimize the significance of this day. And so, I am all for the idea of stepping out of the routine to take back this day as something good.

Every year it's a blessing to hear my cousin's thoughts on the matter - she lives in NJ and works in NYC, very close to Ground Zero. Today is no exception. Thanks, Amy.

Hate. Love.

Hate is a pretty strong word that names a very strong emotion. I catch myself using it carelessly - saying "Ooooh, I hate that!" when I'm talking about something minor and dumb. I have been thinking over the past month or so that I need to reserve it for the serious stuff - hopefully there aren't many occasions that truly warrant it. Today, sadly is one of them.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

I hate that April 9th means anything more than it's the day after April 8th and the day before April 10th. I hate the powers and evils of drug addiction. I hate heroin. I hate how my cousin's life was cut short. I hate that his sister doesn't have a living brother. I hate that his parents lost their son. I hate that we didn't have more time. I hate that I wasn't a very good cousin and let distance and whatever else keep me out of contact. I hate that we're now 13 instead of 14 cousins. I hate that I have to clarify with Henry that I'm talking about his friend Gregory or my cousin Gregory in heaven. I hate that Amy and her parents or any of us that love Greg have to even think about, let alone LIVE, a lifetime without him.

The only thing to overcome hate is love. Love your family, friends, neighbors, enemies, and the strangers you meet, please. Do it today, and for the rest of your days- for only God knows how many they will number.

"More Love" - Dixie Chicks
I'm so close to you baby
But I'm so far away
There's a silence between us
And there's so much to say
You're my strength, you're my weakness
You're my faith, you're my doubt
We gotta meet in the middle
To work this thing out

More love, I can hear our hearts cryin'
More love, I know that's all we need
More love, to flow in between us
To take us and hold us and lift us above
If there's ever an answer
It's more love

We're afraid to be idle
So we fill up the days
We run on the treadmill
Keep slavin' away 'til there's no time for talkin'
About trouble in mind
And the doors are all closed
Between your heart and mine

More love, I can hear our hearts cryin'
More love, I know that's all we need
More love, to flow in between us
To take us and hold us and lift us above
If there's ever an answer
It's more love

Just look out around us
People fightin' their wars
They think they'll be happy
When they've settled their scores
Let's lay down our weapons
That hold us apart
Be still for just a minute
Try to open our hearts

More love, I can hear our hearts cryin'
More love, I know that's all we need
More love, to flow in between us
To take us and hold us and lift us above
If there's ever an answer
It's more love

nanny lou

We got word this morning that Timon's last living grandparent, Mattie Lou, is likely in her last hours on this side of heaven. She has had a remarkable life, and we all are praying that Nanny's passing is peaceful.

me, nanny, and timon after timon's graduation, May 2003

facing the end.

This is just the saddest, most tragic thing. Please pray for Emilie, Steve, Daniel, and Benjamin.

talk about dramatic

Well, I feel like after that tragic haiku I should clarify some things...

1. I work across the street from my house.
2. My wonderful husband is home this week and was really wanting to take care of Maria instead of me having to juggle her and my first night back with the youth group.
3. I'm not actually back to work full-time - I still have about 60 hours of leave time left, and I'm just trying to spread that out by doing what is manageable at this moment.
4. Being back with the youth group tonight was really nice. (Hi, Amber! Thanks for reading! Now go do your homework.)
5. My job is very flexible - I can bring Maria with me most of the time, at least for now. I really have no right to complain about that situation.
6. Um, my baby is flippin' SIX. WEEKS. OLD.
7. I admit to melting down here in my house when I came home to nurse Maria this afternoon. I haven't had too many post-partum meltdowns, so I figure I was due. 'Cause, seriously, people:


Who would want to leave this? I mean, ever?


Oh, and Uncle Phil? Henry saw Maria wearing this hand-me-down shirt, and wonders where his SECOND Purdue shirt is. You other moms might be interested in the Thirsties cloth diaper cover she's sporting. Cute, eh? We've been doing pretty well with the cloth diapers. I'll post more on that another time.

So, in conclusion: Thanks for your sweet remarks about this afternoon's over-dramatic poetry. I will slowly but surely get back to work, and Maria will be just fine. I guess I will be, too.

five days

The past five days have been quite a blur. Tiny peanut Maria is fitting right in, nursing well, sleeping, filling up diapers, being incredibly cute and sweet, etc. Henry has such affection for her, and seems to be adjusting fairly well. I'm quite tired, but I guess that's normal, right? I do feel better at this point than I did after Henry was born.

(henry with his sister, day two)

I will be posting a much longer birth story as soon as I can find the time to write it all down. I wish I could say I haven't had the time because we've been flooded with visitors and calls of well-wishes, but it seems just about everyone has the well-intentioned idea to leave us alone, which to be honest makes me a little sad. Really, if I can't or don't feel like answering the phone, I won't. Most of our family visits were pre-planned to occur what we thought would be shortly after Maria's arrival - obviously she decided to join us early, so we're all excitedly awaiting her first family visitors later this month.

Just to keep you all interested in coming back, I will tease you with this little tidbit: The only people in the room when Maria was born are in or are taking (Timon) this picture, taken an hour and a half after our arrival at the hospital.

Intriguing, no?

sunrise

I was treated to a terrific sunrise this morning when I drove Timon and Henry to the airport very early to catch their flight. They're off on the annual family trip to the great North... and I am fairly devastated not to be with them. I have loved this trip so much in past years that it takes a really good reason for me not to go. Last time I skipped it, I had just started my current job a few days before our scheduled week and didn't think that was a good time for me to ask for vacation days. Obviously this year the reason I am home is that I am now done with travel for the rest of this pregnancy. A three hour flight and then a four hour car trip into the deep woods of Wisconsin is probably not the best scenario for a woman nearing 34 weeks.

Anyhow, the sunrise was gorgeous, and made leaving my boys a bit easier to take. I then came back home and puttered around for a little while before going to the fruit & vegetable market and then the grocery store. I finished a great book and re-watched an awesome movie. I took a walk around the block. I've spoken with my parents, sister, friend G and Chad (only 6 days till he and Emily give each other some promises and rings!). Best of all, I talked to Timon and Henry a short while ago - they called from the office of the resort and have already been having a blast swimming in the lake and eating delicious dinner with family from afar in the perfect weather up there. So, I guess Bertha and I will hold down the fort... wish us luck.

derby

First, let me say HAPPY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY to Andrea & Frank-a-ma-doo. It seems like just three years ago I was keeping the crazies away from Andrea as she tried to get dressed in her gorgeous gown on their big day. As you can see, I was partially sucessful, and the bride looked completely perfect, as usual (I've been jealous of that hair for 12 years now).

Once when Andrea and I were still in school (and I was over 21, really), we watched as our friend Brian attempted to make his own mint julep without the proper bartending supplies. Needless to say, it was utterly disgusting and quickly went down the drain of Brian's Parker Hall sink. Speaking of mint juleps, I was happy to watch the Kentucky Derby on Saturday - horses are "pretty much my favorite animal, bred for their skills and magic," (name that movie) and I love love love to watch them run. If I were an animal, I'd be a dark, dark brown/gray filly racehorse. Basically, I'd look like her:

That gorgeous girl up there is Eight Belles. I think that horse racing is generally an amazing sport. It's pure speed, coordination, and athleticism on the part of horse and rider. We watched Saturday as Big Brown coasted to victory and then saw Eight Belles come in second. As they followed Big Brown with the cameras, interviewing his jockey, it was quickly clear that something was wrong with the filly. And then they pulled the veterinary trucks in front of the sight of Eight Belles laying down on the track. I started crying when they said that they had to euthanize her right there because of her two broken front ankles - an impossible injury for an animal that large to recover from. I'm not sure what I think about horse racing now. It was the saddest thing I've seen in a long, long time. What a waste of an amazing animal.