Henry seems to be following suit as one of a long line of mischief makers and talkative distractible students (traits inherited from BOTH parents, I’m afraid). Each day his teachers report on his classroom behavior by assigning a color according to how well he did. Options are green (no problems), orange (had to be spoken to more than once about some kind of undesirable behavior), yellow (presumably the student has been very disruptive), or red (the principal had to remove the student from the class). Henry seems to be getting orange at least once or twice a week these days. Are we being unreasonable for assigning consequences at home that increase as he gets more orange days? For example, yesterday he had orange and we did not give him an additional consequence, but today he received orange again (described in his agenda book as being given because he did not stay on task in class – this doesn’t surprise me in the slightest) and we decided to not allow him to ride his bike for a week. (He recently learned to ride without training wheels and has really been enjoying riding.) If he gets orange again this week he won’t be allowed to go to movie night at church, something he’s really looking forward to.
I don’t think we’re being unreasonable at all, but truly, I have zero clue if it’s making any difference. And I’m definitely not a fan of imposing consequences that don’t work, or of having punishments in effect all the darn time. I know a family who speak to their children with what I call “high-alert” voices all the time, meaning that they instruct the children to pick up their books with the same sharp, loud, commanding voices that I feel should be reserved for use only when a child is in real serious danger (like they’re about to step in front of a speeding car). The result of this is that the kids don’t listen to anything, since they’re accustomed to tuning any and all instructions out, with the knowledge that no threats will be followed through with and any consequences will be random and not meaningful. So I worry about having consequences for the little things and not saving them for the big ones. What would you do about the orange days?
5 comments:
Okay, as a former teacher, I think you are doing the right thing. So often the parents don't give the teachers any back up. Also, my opinion is that the point of sending it home is to notify you, meaning that there is some expectation that you will do something about it. I'd say that you decide what the consequences are and then stick to them!
I think what you're doing is extremely reasonable and smart. My one question is, outside of telling you about what color he earned, are there other consequences at school? My belief is that immediate consequences have the biggest impact. I'm hoping that they're just not leaving this to you. Also, do they have a plan if his behavior continues to remain "orange?"
I taught middle school for years, so I'm slightly unfamiliar with the younger kids' behaviors. However, I'm sure that I'll quickly be reminded once the Crazies enter school...yikes!
The beatings will continue until moral improves.
Gregory gets in BIG trouble when he doesn't have a green (blue this year) day. It's only happened a handful of times. Telling daddy he got a yellow is way worse than any consequence I could give.
I've got to say that recently Chad's buddy Dave offered what I thought was GREAT insight on this dilemma, as we go through it nearly every year with Anna. Her lowest marks are usually with "uses time effectively/stays on task" and the root almost always seems to be with her visiting with other kids while she works. First, I'm wondering what is so wrong with visiting with other people while she works? I like to do it and actually consider it having been a wasted work day if I don't. Having NO self control all of the time is one thing and is definitely worth investing some concern in, but not having "self control" (ie-visiting or being distracted) ALL of the time is hardly worth getting upset over. Why don't teachers limit graded quiet time and self control time to, say, one hour a day and then evaluate them from that? If a child cannot be deliberate in their self management skills for that long, then have a talk with them. But if a child finds it difficult to sit at a desk for 6-ish hours a day, then I would think they are normal and really do not deserve an orange:). I know teachers are amazing people for being able to manage as many kids in a day that they do, but I don't necessarily think that it is up to the kids to be little marines to make that time more manageable. I would suspect that Henry getting oranges is less an indicator of his "badness" as it is for his teachers' desire for a smooth running day of their own. Both of their positions are understandable, but I wouldn't be very concerned that a six year old manifests a six years old's energy during the school day though:).
-Em and G-Diddy
Post a Comment