one week ago

There's other things I want to write about, and yes, JEN, I'm getting to you soon since you were SCARILY close to having every little detail regarding Maria's arrival correct; but first things first. Hold on to your hats, folks; Very Long And Detailed Birth Story Ahead:

Last Wednesday night, the youth threw me a little party at youth group. I had been having a few contractions during the day, nothing to be concerned about or even pay much attention to. I got home at 8pm, and steady contractions started around 9. We just watched tv, I sat on the yoga ball or stood and swayed, breathing through them fairly well. I talked to Robyn, our doula around 11:30 - she suggested trying to get some sleep. I laid down but woke up around 2 to use the bathroom. I realized that the contractions were now 3-5 minutes apart. Timon decided to take Henry over to a friend's house - she would let him go back to sleep and take him to preschool in the morning. It was hard to say goodbye to him. I took a shower. We sat down in front of the tv again, watching some episodes of The West Wing. By 4 am they were 2-4 min apart and more intense. We called Robyn and the OB and I decided I wanted to go to the hospital to be checked. We got there around 5am, and after they checked me I was still 2cm which I had been at my appt on Tuesday. I was so, so disheartened by this. So I walked around the Labor & Delivery unit with Timon and Robyn for 2 hours and was checked again - no change, still 2cm. I was now really, really mad and discouraged. We decided it would be best if I went home.

On the way home the contractions started being so so much more painful and serious. Robyn went to her house for a bit so we could labor by ourselves. I tried laying on the bed to see if I could rest between contractions, but they were quite overwhelming at this point. Timon called Robyn, and she suggested I get in the tub so I did from about 10:00-10:45. I didn't experience much relief being in the warm water, but now I realize that I must have made a lot of progress while I was in the tub. Robyn came over at 11, saw me basically writhing on the bed and made me get up on the ball. The contractions were SO very intense - I was screaming and groaning with each one and felt like my very soul was being torn out. Timon was trying to get me to recite the scripture I had planned to hopefully concentrate on, but a majority of the time all I could muster was OH GOD OH JESUS. There were times I asked God why He wasn't with me (oh, how I regret that now). Between the contractions I felt so weak like I could not go any further. I said something like, "PLEASE, SOMEONE HIT ME OVER THE HEAD!" I begged Timon and Robyn to take me back and get me an epidural. BEGGED!

Around 11:40 I felt a little spurt during a contraction and thought it might be my water, but wasn't sure. With the next one there was a gush and I knew. It took about 20 min to get me dressed and in the car, where I was on my knees in the back seat gripping the seat belt for my dear life. As Timon started driving, I weakly said, "We should have called the ambulance." As we drove past the MLB stadium, all of the sudden I said "I feel like I have to poop!" (this means it's getting close to time to PUSH) and Robyn told Timon to step on it! We got back to the hospital around 12:15, Robyn ran in to find a wheelchair and she got me upstairs while Timon parked. It is strange now to remember how the contractions slowed and weren't as bad while I was in the chair. This is how I knew God was with me, this was His gift to get me upstairs without being so out of control before I delivered. They got me in a labor room (all the delivery rooms were full) and put me on the monitor, checked me and said I was at 8cm!! Even then I wanted the epidural. Obviously it was too late.

As soon as they left, Robynfelt like to get to 10 cm I needed to change positions - she suggested either getting on my hands and knees or sitting on the toilet. So she and Timon took the straps off and got me over to the bathroom so I could be on the toilet to labor more. The nurses came back in after a few minutes to see why there wasn't any reading on the baby and also to move me to a freed up delivery room, and Robyn told them that I had to pee (I didn't, but I needed to change positions). Obviously when they saw me it was determined that I was not moving anywhere. They checked me on the toilet when I said that I felt like I just HAD to push - still 8 cm. I got up and shuffled to the bed, where I sat on the edge until they got the baby's heartbeat again. I kept telling them I had to push, they kept telling me no. I laid down and they checked me again - just a lip of cervix left! We had been at the hospital about 30 minutes at this point. I felt no break between contractions at all, which left me so panicked and weak feeling. Oh, and during this time, they had called my OB, told her I was at 8 and so she decided to finish her lunch at the office and come then. When they discovered I only had just a lip of cervix left they called her back and she left right away. But by that point it was too late- I was already pushing uncontrollably. I remember thinking while pushing that if I had to do this very much longer I would literally want to die. But, after 2 good pushes, Maria was out on the bed! It was a regular labor bed, not one that broke down. One nurse was in the room with us to catch the baby! Nurse Mandy shouted to Timon, "HIT THE CALL BUTTON!" and told the other nurses that she needed help. They said they'd be right there, and she said, "NO, there's a baby!" and suddenly the room was full of people. Maria laid on my chest for a long time since there was no baby warmer in the room, which is what I wanted anyway. We waited to cut the cord as long as we could but then I started bleeding a bunch so they cut it and gave me a shot of Pitocin in the leg, and I pushed out the placenta. We laid there for 30 min or so while people scurried around getting things together, my OB finally got there and made sure everything was okay with me. I tried to nurse Maria but she wasn't too interested. We laid there together, I was shivering uncontrollably which I'm sure was the adrenaline running its course through my body. 25-year old Nurse Mandy got to experience her first solo delivery, and was terrifically sweet and excited for us. The nurses brought in the warmer and scale, and attended to Maria and gave her a quick bath. She had a bit of trouble keeping her temperature up, so after she was weighed (6lbs, 8ozs - I can't believe I had such a small baby!) they brought her to the nursery for a little bit and I was transferred over to the mom-baby unit, at probably 2:30pm.

Timon and I keep saying that the money we paid our doula is the best money we've ever spent. There's no doubt in my mind that I would have chosen to stay at the hospital in the early morning, and would have ended up on pitocin with an epidural later. If I had still chosen to come home, I can't imagine how Timon would have gotten me to the hospital after my water broke by himself. I don't regret choices I made about Henry's birth (pitocin induction, they broke my water, epidural), because obviously my amazing and healthy son has brought so much joy to our lives. But I have to say if there's anything I'm particularly glad that we chose this time is that for my daughter, a future mother herself, I put my faith in God, Timon, Robyn, and even though I was full of doubt, in myself to do what women were designed to do. I'm not going to lie - this was the absolute hardest and most all-consuming painful thing I have ever done. But just LOOK at her:

Maria Katherine, one week old