part 2

I hope you've read part one of our story... I want you to know that I'm telling our tale not to garner any sympathy or extra attention, but to hopefully help you all understand more about our experience with infertility/threatened miscarriage. There's lots of sharing going on here, but I can't really tell the full shebang without the nitty-gritty TMI. Sorry. But not really. And I fully know how blessed we truly are to have a pregnancy to write about at all. During the past year I've read a LOT of blogs written by women who've been trying to have a baby for 5 or more years, having to go through painful hormone shots, IUI, IVF, the use of donor eggs, had miscarriage after miscarriage, and other awful crappy stuff. They are true warriors and deserve all the respect in the world and as many prayers as we all can muster.

So January 10 I saw definitive proof in the form of 2 pink lines on two normal pregnancy tests. But of course I had to try the digital test to be convinced. When that word popped up on the screen I gave a little jump, grin, and fist pump in the air. Then I put that photo up on the desktop of our computer so that Timon would see it. He didn't even know I'd taken the tests. When he came home from work he saw the screen and was as overjoyed as I was, of course. I emailed my sister, too, who knew what we'd been going through and were about to go through with the Clomid. I'm sure that Timon had been frustrated by the difficulties we'd been facing in his own way but I'm not sure it was as intense and acute as my internal emotions had been. I got many more comments from well-intentioned but essentially thoughtless people like "When are you having another kid?" or "Why aren't you guys pregnant yet?" or "If you just relax, it will happen." I can't tell you how much these remarks hurt to hear, despite the fact that most people didn't know what we were dealing with, and they couldn't possibly have known that what they were saying was a dagger to the heart each and every time. It's a really personal thing to go through and most people don't know what to say, so they say what they think we want to hear. So we didn't tell many people. If you ever have another friend who is dealing with infertility, click here and here for some very helpful things to say and do, or even more importantly, NOT say or do.

Anyhow, I called my OB to make a first appointment. It was for Feb. 4, when I'd be nearly 8 weeks. But on Jan 22 I saw what every pregnant woman fears the absolute most... blood. It was light and pink, which I'd experienced one time while pregnant with Henry. But of course after trying and waiting so long to get this baby I freaked. I called the OB office, and they had me come in the next day. I had an ultrasound and saw the tiniest of babies... who measured 5 weeks, 6 days and had a beating heart (100bpm). The nurse practitioner had them do a couple of blood tests, including my progesterone level. She told me it was all probably fine, and that she'd see me at my Feb. 4 visit. Official diagnosis: Threatened Miscarriage. But I got to bring this picture home:

(that little blur on the right side of the black spot is the baby.)

I was sure this would be the end of it - just like in my pregnancy with Henry, I'd have this little spotting and then I'd be totally fine. But no, there was more crap to come.

...to be continued...