a letter to my sister* (the new edited version)

Dearest KEMT,
I just wanted to write right now and apologize in advance for the fact that your birthday card will not arrive in time for Tuesday. Several things are to blame for this: 1) I haven't gotten it in the mail yet; 2) I am not completely sure I have a stamp; and C) I haven't actually gone to the store to buy the card exactly. So you can see, it's entirely out of my hands. Totally not my fault.

{Anyhoo, I just wanted to warn you and let you know that FIRST thing Monday morning, our mailman will come and pick up your card from the house (such SERVICE!) and in a matter of a couple of days, that $0.39 sticker will have fulfilled its purpose and your hand-selected birthday card will arrive at your door. Ah, the magic of the U.S. Postal Service. }

**edited to now read:

Anyhoo, I just wanted to warn you and let you know that FIRST thing TUESDAY morning, our mailman will get up off his well-rested rear and come to pick up your card from the house (SUCH service). I'm sure he spent his President's Day reading all about his best friends Lincoln and Washington, all while gazing at his pennies and quarters, $1s and $5s. And in a matter of a couple of days, that $0.39 sticker will have fulfilled its purpose and your hand-selected birthday card will arrive at your door. Which it would have a whole day earlier if Monday wasn't a federal holiday. (Never mind all that stuff about how I could have bought a card and mailed it DAYS ago. Rubbish!)

You're welcome!

Love,
Maresi (your favorite sister)

{Don't the rest of you wish you had a sister as thoughtful as me?}